


Lies and Dysphoria

by TheCrazyCatLady1



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Multi, Prinxiety - Freeform, Trans Male Character, logicality - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2020-08-14 16:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20195236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrazyCatLady1/pseuds/TheCrazyCatLady1
Summary: Virgil has a dark secret that he has been keeping from the other sides. How long will it take until one of them finds out?⚠️WARNING⚠️ swearing, angst, blood, Dysphoria, misgendering, bullying, transphobia.Sorry for short chapters I'm not good at writing.I'm sorry if I offend anyone, I'm not trans.I do not own the characters





	1. Chapter 1

He stared into the mirror, his Hazelnut eyes fixated on his bare chest. To him, it wasn't bare, but rather heavy with two swollen breasts that captured all the limelight. Virgil hated the way he looked. It was too... Feminine. 

He sighed, pulling his black binder over his chest and willed his boobs to just disappear so he didn't have to crush his lungs anymore. 

Suddenly, he heard footsteps walking up the stairs of thomas' mindscape.   
'shit' virgil thought as he sprinted towards his bed where his hoodie was left discarded and practically threw it onto himself. 

Without warning, a proud looking figure came bursting through the wooden door. That figure, belonged to Roman. 

"don't you ever think of knocking?!" Anxiety almost screamed upon seeing one of his counterparts burst through his door. 

He noticed how high pitched his voice sounded. It made him want to tear his throat out. 

"woah! Calm Down there Virge, you look like you have just seen a ghost! Your paler than your foundation lol!" said Roman laughing loudly at his own joke.   
He caught Virgil's stare and continued 

"anyway, Patton wanted me to tell you that we are having a movie night tonight and he wanted me to ask if you wanted to join us?" 

Virgil rolled his eyes. "which will turn into another Disney movie marathon. No thank you" 

"patton is making cookies for tonight!" 

After hearing Patton and cookies in one sentence, virgil immediately stood up. "I'm in" 

"great! See you tonight!" Roman left laughing, not bothering to close the door. 

Virgil went to close his door and sat back on his bed. 'great' he thought 'another social gathering'. He got his phone out, put on his headphones and blasted music into his ears to drown out any and all thoughts that popped into his head. He couldn't deal with a lot of his emotions right now.


	2. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 2

It was around 7 pm when Patton decided it was time to start the movie night. He set his cookies on a nice tray and put it on the coffee table in the lounge. He smiled to himself as he thought about the good times that he had with his friends before and memories he would be able to make in the future, tonight being one of them. 

Not wanting to disturb Logan too much, he sent him a quick text. 

'Hey Logie! Do you want to come down for movie night tonight?'

About a minute later he got a response. 

'Salutations Patton. I will be down shortly.' 

This made Patton smile, he loved spending time with Logan. It made him feel... Special. 

Patton walked up the stairs, deciding to get Roman first.  
He knocked on the door only to be flung open by a very happy man, dressed in his finest pajamas. (it was his usual outfit, just made of silk). 

"Greeting Patton! Are we ready to start this Disney Party?! "

"Hey Roman! Yeah! I just need to get Virgil and we are all sorted!" replied Patton in an exited tone. 

"I am going to bring all of my quality bedding, pillows, plushies, blankets and what not." explained Roman, counting the list off on his fingers. 

"Okay kiddo, you do that and get set up! No eating cookies until we are all downstairs!"  
Patton said, eager to start this wonderful night of singing, watching and sleeping. 

Roman happily trotted downstairs, a trail of blankets and duvets behind him, and began to set up. 

Patton smiled to himself as he knocked on Virgil's door.  
"sorry kiddo! Didn't want to bother you but we are going to start this movie marathon now if you want to join us!" 

Patton heard a slight huff from Virgil's room. 

"Sure Pat ill be down in a minute, start without me if you need to" Virgil replied, kinda exited which was unusual. 

"I doubt that but take your time Virgil! We will be waiting for you!" Patton grinned as he turned away to see Logan walking out of his room in his unicorn onesie and (or course) his tie. 

The pair walked down the stairs together to join an exited Roman in the living room. 

Virgil, however was quite the opposite when he realised something...


	3. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 3

As Virgil stood up from his bed, he felt something drop into his boxers.   
'shit' he thought, 'not now! Why now?! OMG'   
He sprinted to his bathroom and scrambled around in his draws and found his stash of pads that he kept as hidden as possible.   
He immediately put one on, disgusted at the sight below him. He could never get over periods. 

Virgil was so thankful for baggy trousers. 

After about 10 minutes of stressing and debating whether or not to join the others, he decided it was okay and he trudged down the stairs. 

"Here comes pouty Mc pout face!" shouted Roman as soon as he saw Virgil enter the living room. 

"Hey kiddo! So glad you joined us! Wanna cookie?" asked Patton, happy that his dark strange son had joined them. 

"does it have chocolate in it?" Virgil asked, cocking his head to the side. 

"of course kiddo! Your favourite!" 

Virgil took one and sat down on a white pillow in between Patton and Roman.   
"what film we watching?" 

"MULAN!!" exclaimed Roman. 

"you don't have to be so loud Roman we are in the same room" Logan said, without lifting his head up from his book. 

"Logie! Put that book down, we are supposed to be watching Mulan together!" Patton pleaded. 

"I am sitting right next to you, therefore, we are together" replied Logan. 

"let him do his thing Pat, like he said, at least he is with us." said Virgil, trying to make Patton feel better as he could see the slight sadness in Patton's eyes. 

The 4 managed to watch 6 films before falling asleep, all to which Roman decided on.   
First it was Mulan, then Beauty and the beast, Aladdin, Lilo and Stitch, Moana and even after Virgil and Logans' protesting, Frozen. 

After a long night of singing, binge eating and watching movies the 4 had fallen asleep together in the living room. Patton leaning against Logan and Logans head resting on patton, Roman had fallen asleep on his front after lying there, kicking his feet to the songs like a teenage girl. And there was Virgil curled up in a nice ball on a few pillows, like a cat. 

In the morning, Logan was the first to awake.   
'huh? Oh yes that's right' he thought 'I attended one of those sleepovers' Logan grimaced when he thought of that. Then he realised the position he was in with Patton.   
He blushed and quickly, but carefully, got up and went upstairs to his room to start his day.   
Completely missing the state Virgil was in. 

Next to wake up was Patton. He was used to getting up early to make breakfast for the others, so he was usually one of the first to wake up.  
He looked around, noticing the empty cavity of where Logan once slept. He thought nothing of it and sat up to which he saw Virgil, sprawled on the floor next to Roman. But something was different. The lower half of his body was stained. With..... Blood?


	4. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 4

Patton wanted to scream, but stopped himself from doing so by covering his mouth.   
Blood?......wh.......wait BLOOD!

The father figure scrambled over to Virgil's sleeping body and (not knowing what to do in the situation) gently shook Virgil awake, hoping that he wasn't dead.

Virgil was woken by the frantic shaking of Patton.  
He never thought he could feel surprised, tired, scared and safe all in one go.  
"P..Patton, what are you doing? Let me sleep."  
Virgil said dramatically, rolling over onto his side.

This only startled Patton more as he saw the blood soaked pillow. Also Virgil was BLEEDING! Surely he would feel pain or something? 

"VIRGIL!!" Patton hissed as quietly as he could as to not wake Roman up, "YOUR BLEEDING!!" 

"I..im what?" Virgil said, not caring that much but slightly confused, rolling back onto his back.

"BLEEDING! ARE YOU HURT?!!" Patton started to worry more and more. What if Virgil is too high on adrenaline to feel anything and he wouldn't be able to solve the issue.

"Huh?" Virgil was so confused. Was Patton playing a prank on him? Then he remembered what had started last night. "Shit" he said standing up and looking down towards the pillow. 

As soon as Virgil stood up, Patton was right there holding him, expecting Virgil to collapse or something similar. He was surprised when Virgil gently pulled Patton off him.

"Im fine Patton seriously!" 

"But your bleeding! That's not normal!" Patton protested against Virgil's firm grip, holding him back.

"Actually it is" Virgil mumbled under his breath. 

"Hmm?" Patton was confused, he needed Virgil to elaborate on his mumbling.

"Nothing! It's fine, just don't tell any of the others okay! This needs to stay a secret" 

"Why, your hurt!" Patton cried.

"I promise you Im not! It's just one of those down sides to being.." Virgil slapped his hands over his mouth before he could continue. 

"Being what Virge? You know you can tell me anything!" 

Before anyone could say another word, Virgil grabbed the pillow he bled on and ran upstairs slamming his bedroom door behind him.


	5. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 5

With tears flowing down his cheeks, Virgil viciously scrubbed at the pillow. He was so disappointed and angry at his stupid female body for playing up like that. But he was also angry at himself, for making the decision to join the others that night. He had fun, yes, but he didn't know how he would be able to face anyone again. Especially Patton.

The more he thought about it, the angrier he got, the more he scrubbed and scrubbed at the fabric. Desperate to get every tiny little spot he could see off Roman's pillow. It was soaking wet because Virgil had dunked it in the cold water over and over again, not realising that it was spreading the stain because the water now had a tint of red in it. 

Suddenly, there came a soft knocking at the door.

"Kiddo, are you okay?" Came the soft voice of Patton. You could tell he had been crying from the slight shakiness in his voice. 

When Virgil didn't answer, Patton opened the door and walked into Anxiety's room. It was a mess. Clothes thrown everywhere, bedding shoved to one side of his bed and draws and boxes had been left open. Like Virgil was searching for something.

Patton looked around almost desperately for Virgil, when he saw the bathroom light on and heard faint sobs.

For a few minutes, Virgil didn't see the father figure standing in the doorway. He was too busy brainstorming on how to tell Roman that his pillow was ruined.

After about 10 mins of standing in the doorway and hearing Virgil mutter to himself a couple of times. Patton gave in.   
"Virgil, are you okay kiddo?" He said softly. Walking over to place a hand on his 'sons' shoulder. 

The darker counterpart jumped at the touch and wiped away his tears like a knee jerk reaction.   
"I...im fine p..Patton." he said.

"Your not fine kiddo trust me, i know when my best friends are sad."   
Patton looked at the bathtub full of water and blood, sighed, and took the piece of old cloth and pillow from Virgil's hands and placed them on the side. He then proceeded to spin Virgil so he was facing him and pull him into a deep hug. 

The two stood in Virgil's bathroom In an embrace for quite some time, both men sobbing into each others shoulders, until finally Virgil broke away.   
He felt so sorry that Patton had to see him like this. His eyeshadow running down his cheeks racing his tears, blood on his hands and staining most of the bathroom from a panic attack, he was barely standing he was so worked up. 

"Im so sorry Pat" 

"For what kiddo you have done nothing wrong!" Pat replied, softly 

They stood in silence for a few moments, only to be broken by Virgil's voice,  
"Aren't you going to ask me questions?" He said, hastily 

"Not if you're uncomfortable, I don't want to force you do anything you don't want to". Truth be told, Patton did have a lot of questions, starting with where the blood came from, how is Virgil okay? Ect... But he didn't want to upset Virgil just to make himself feel better. 

"Pat im gonna admit something.." Virgil said, almost at a whisper

Patton tried not to make his eyes light up, but he couldn't help it.  
"Oh?" He asked "what is it?" 

Virgil hesitated before he replied " I... I really liked that hug" he said, sheepishly while looking at the floor.


	6. Chapter 6

The day went by as normal. Patton tried his best not to ask questions but Virgil was always at the back of his mind. He was just curious. He didn't want to hurt the boy, so he stade quiet. 

Roman, however, could not keep quiet.   
"I demand to know where my pillow is!"   
Roman said, almost shouting. 

"Calm down kiddo! It was only a plain white one right? It not that important, you have others!" Patton replied, noticing Virgil's worried expression. 

"NOT THAT IMPORTANT??!!, IT IS A VITAL PIECE OF MY PRACTICALLY PERFECT PILLOW FORT THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!" 

"Roman stop yelling okay!" said Virgil, on the verge of tears. 

Patton glanced over at virgil for the fourth time that night and saw the tears that were going to form in his sons brown eyes. He looked back at Roman who had fallen over from jumping up and down like a toddler having a tantrum. 

"I can yell if I want to!! Why are you still here anyway??!! Did you steal my pillow??!!!"   
Roman started walking towards Virgil, glaring at him straight in the eyes. He didn't get very far, however, because Patton (being the dad) practically ran in between the two sides and faced Roman with a 'stop this now or there will be consequences' look. 

Slowly Roman calmed down and looked at Virgil who was practically cowering behind Patton, like he was trying to blend into his shadow.   
"sorry virgil" the Prince muttered 

"what was that Roman I didn't here you?" replied Patton, still letting Virgil hide behind him. 

"Sorry virgil! I shouldn't have accused you for stealing my pillow!" he said trying to be as nice as possible. 

"great! Now why don't I buy you another pillow if it is that important Roman!" It was strange, almost creepy, how he went from stern parent, back to happy pappy patton in under a second, one would need some talent to do that. 

"it's fine pat, I'll do it" Roman muttered and walked off. He had run out of energy from acting like a toddler and he just wanted to sleep. His curiosity and anger had another thing in mind and before he knew it, Roman was standing in the middle of the darker trait's bedroom. 

As soon as the Prince stepped inside, he immediately felt dejected and worried. He couldn't imagine what it felt like to be the embodiment of anxiety let alone just standing in his shadowy room. 

Roman searched for his pillow trying not to move much (because of fear that Virgil would notice).   
Feeling disgruntled at the absence of his pillow, Roman turned to the doorway, only to see Virgil's bathroom light still turned on.

Hastily, Roman entered the bathroom, scrunching up his face as the plastic door creaked when he opened it.

He scanned the room only to find his pillow on the side of the bathtub, next to an old cloth and a bathtub full of water. It wouldn't have looked that unusual if it wasn't for the huge red stain in the middle of the white fabric and the water seemed to be dyed too.

Wtf was Virgil doing In his bathroom? You know what, creativity didn't want to think about it, he just shut the door and tiptoed back into his own room, disturbed by what he just saw.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Logicality for you x

Every day was the same for Virgil, or at least the mornings were. He would wake up at around 10am, he would try to sleep in but his body wouldn't let him. So today, he got up, had a shower and proceeded to stare at his body in his thin, body-length mirror.

He hated looking at himself, but it was like his mind thought that he had to. That he had to check through all the rights and most importantly the wrongs of his body, mainly the lack of male body parts and the presence of female ones.

Virgil had stood naked in his bedroom for over half an hour. He hadn't realised that he had been staring at himself for so long. He was too busy nitpicking at tiny imperfections on his delicate, pale skin. The man wrapped his towel back around his hips and froze in sheer panic as he heard a pounding at his door.

\-------------about 3 hours earlier-------------

Roman had had enough. He was going to confront his counterpart and ask him about what he could only assume was some dark strawberry sauce on his missing pillow. Why had Virgil not only spilt something on it, but also had hidden it away from him. The Prince knew he shouldn't had sneaked into the other's room, but he needed the truth, and he needed it now.

The creative side was going to wake Virgil up early so he could pay for what he had done (in a nonthreatening way). So he got up at 7am and tiptoed across the hallway to not wake anyone else up. He was stopped in his tracks however when a nervous looking Patton bumped into him. 

"oh sorry kiddo! I wasn't looking where I was going!" Morality said as normally as he could muster. 

"you okay Pat? You look like you haven't slept in days!" 

"actually I was on my way to see you, I want to talk. I kinda need some advice" Patton replied, a tiny blush appearing from under his round glasses. 

"oh?!" Roman looked at Patton and put two and two together. "love advice??" he asked suggestively. 

Patton's rosy cheeks blushed a brilliant shade of pink as he lifted his head to look at Roman.   
"maybe" he squeaked. 

'Virgil can wait' Roman thought. 'I have LOVE to discuss!'   
Roman guided Patton into his room and sat next to the dad on his red and white bed. 

They sat next to each other for a while, Roman sometimes gave his friend a reassuring wink or nudge until finally.   
"so.... I do like someone" Patton said

"Logan?" 

" waa..... How did you know?!" Patton said, flustered. 

"it's kinda obvious. You blush a lot around him, you always sit next to him, little things like that. Also It couldn't be Virgil cause I know you see him as your son and that would just be weird. It also wouldn't be one of the dark sides, cause ya know... The whole Deceit and Remus thing"

"y..your right" Patton smiled sheepishly 

"I'm always right!" replied Roman almost too selfishly. 

Patton immediately switched into dad mode and said "nobody is right all the time". He gave a look to the other and crossed his arms. 

Roman just shook his head. "anyway, we have love to discuss!" 

The two continued having their conversation for around 2 hours and after a lot of crying and worrying from the older side, Roman decided it was a good idea to put on a movie to watch to calm Patton down. This seemed to work because after watching One Hundred and One Dalmatians, Patton was bad to his happy, cheerful self and skipped downstairs to make breakfast for everyone. 

Roman looked at his Pinocchio wall clock and gasped. It was already half 10!  
'screw waking him up early I need to talk to him now' he thought. He stood up and strode towards Virgil's room with full power.


	8. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 8

Roman rapped on his friends door with some force.  
"Virgil I need to talk to you!" he said with his nose and mouth stuck in the crack of the old door. 

Virgil froze from sheer panic. He couldn't move. It wasn't like last time when he had his binder on. 

When Roman heard nothing from the other side of the door, he stook back and kicked the door with full force. Luckily it didn't break down. 

"Virgil!!" he sang as he stepped inside. He opened his eyes. His heart skipped a beat. Never would he ever think that this was one of the possibilities that his eyes would set upon. 

Virgil was standing there, facing him, naked with only a towel wrapped around his waist. But, were those........... 

Roman's face turned dark red.  
"s.. Sorry!!" was all he could say before he quickly ran out the room and shut the door. 

-Virgil POV-

Virgil just stood there, he couldn't do anything! Why did his body have to seize up like that! He was facing Roman as well!  
He slowly moved over to his bed and put on some trousers and his hoodie, nothing else. He couldn't be bothered to put on his binder again, he was aching and in pain because he had worn it so much. 

Anxiety sunk down onto the floor, back resting on his bed, and burst into an uncontrollable fit of tears. He hadn't cried like this in years.  
He called himself weak, stupid and disgusting over and over again in his head. His thoughts were so loud, he didn't hear patton calling everyone down for breakfast. He wouldn't need it anyway. He didn't deserve it. 

-Roman POV-

Roman sat outside Virgil's door in complete turmoil. What had he just seen? Well he knew what he had seen, but was it real? Was it a trick of the lights? He knew Virgil could shape-shift, so was it a prank? Virgil wasn't one to pull pranks, he certainly wouldn't have gone that far to pull one. And by the look on his fac..

"Greetings, Roman. May I inquire why you are sitting outside of Virgil's door, looking shocked?"  
The voice of Logan shook Roman from his cycle of endless questions and confusion. 

"oh, hi Logan, I just walked in on Virgil changing that's all." Roman blushed at the thought of naked Virgil. 

"ah, and you are shocked because you have feelings for him? I understand" replied the teacher. 

"what!!" Roman said, a thick blush appearing on his cheeks. "wait, you understand?? So you can love! What a surprise!" he said sarcastically 

Logan blushed slightly "I.. I wouldn't say 'love' just some uncanny human emotions" 

"sure thing glasses!" again, Roman couldn't help but be sarcastic. "I knew you were meant for each other!" he said under his breath. 

"pardon?" Logan looked confused. 

Before he could answer, the faint voice of Patton could be heard from the kitchen on the first floor, "breakfast is ready kiddos! Come downstairs when you are ready!" 

This was a queue for Logan to somehow blush more from thinking over their last conversation and the person of the topic from that conversation butting in without realising. 

Logan turned his head towards the stairs, looked back at Roman, gave him a farewell nod and walked downstairs to conversate with the man that he 'didn't' love.

The Prince continued to sit on the floor, not sure what to do with himself. Suddenly, a faint series of cries could be heard from the other side of the old, black door.   
'wait... Is that Virgil.... Crying??!!' Roman thought. He pressed his ear to the crack in the door and listened only to hear more, louder crying from Anxiety's room.  
'oh crap it is! It's probably best if I don't go in there, ummmm.... Maybe Patton is the best bet for this situation' He got up from his cosy spot on the floor and almost sprinted downstairs to get the dad.

"hey kiddo! Ready for breakfast?" asked Patton, looking up from his pancakes. 

"umm.. Actually Patton, I was going to ask you if you could go upstairs and comfort Virgil, I think he's crying and I think it's my fault." It was hard for Roman to say what he did. He didn't like admitting that he was wrong. 

The dad immediately stood up from his chair and rushed over to Roman." oh no! What happened??!!"

"I kinda walked in on him changing and I saw something I probably shouldn't have..." he hated this, but he wanted to tell the truth for Virgil. 

"Oh..... Can you tell me what it was kiddo?" 

"umm. Actually Patton, I think it was kinda, really private." Roman answered, looking at the floor. 

"okay! I go calm Virgil down!" The dad gave a concerned look to Roman and ran upstairs. 

"thanks Pat, I really appreciate it" The Prince said, under his breath.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some platonic moxiety for you. XX
> 
> Sorry I haven't uploaded in a while I have been away.

"Virgil... Kiddo are you okay?" Patton rapped on the old door, loud enough so Virgil could hear. He knew what his son could be like on bad days and he wanted to make sure Virgil could hear him.  
Patton heard a slight pause in the crying and knew it was okay to go inside.

"Hey kiddo, are you okay?" He asked quietly.

"I..im fine Pat" Virgil replied in between the pauses from his irregular breathing pattern.

"Your not kiddo trust me. Tell me what happened, maybe I can help?" Patton said, kneeling closer so he was right in front of Virgil. Holding him by the shoulders.

Virgil opened his mouth as if to speak, but when no sound came out, shut it again and picked at a loose thread on his oversized hoodie. 

"Can I start for you?" Patton asked, sitting down, crossed legged as close to Virgil as possible. 

Virgil nodded a reply and looked up at the father figure, comforting him in the warm silence. He nervously played with the ends of Patton's hoodie which hung loosely around his neck. 

"Roman told me that he walked in on you...."patton found it hard to finish his sentence. 

"naked? Yeah, that happened" Virgil said, in a rather angry tone. He was willing his mind to stop thinking about what happened so he wouldn't break down again. 

"I shouldn't stress over it kiddo, I mean, we all technically have the same body so why are you upset?" It was hard for Patton to form the words he needed, but he wanted to stay strong and help the anxious side as much as he could. He was his son and he felt obliged to aid him through his hard times. 

"The point is, Patton, I don't have the same body that you guys do!" Virgil knew his secret would emerge in the end, but still, it was like he had to force the truth out of him. So he didn't have to hide it anymore. 

"what do you mean Virge? We are all pieces of Thomas' personality, it makes sense that we look similar, body wise" 

"it's just...... I'm not....... You don't..." Virgil didn't have the guts to tell the dad that he started as a girl. "I can't get the words out... Ughh... I just..... Here, I'll just show you"

Hesitantly, Virgil lifted his black hoodie over his head, to reveal his bare, thin and pale chest. 

Patton couldn't help but blush at the sight of someone else's bare chest. His jaw was opened a jar, without his knowledge. He looked at Virgil with tears in his eyes, and noticed the look of sheer fear and stress in the others' face. 

Virgil froze, it reminded him of the incident with Roman and at that moment he just wish he was able to disappear from sight. The younger boy noticed Patton looking at his disfigured body. The two men's eyes interlocked and Virgil could see the tears brimming in the dad's large, chocolate gaze. 

The younger side slid the warm, black material back over his chest. He could feel his torso shiver at the presence of new comfort, calming him a little. 

"I... I'm.. So sorry Virge" Patton whispered "I didn't know...." he placed one hand over his mouth like a reflex. 

"I.. Its f.. Fine Pat." Virgil replied, pulling his hood over his head and sighing. 

"how come you have never told us?" Asked Patton, slowly. 

"I was... anxious to how you would react." Virgil smiled at his own, unintentional, joke, but fear still took a hold of his main emotions. 

"well, I'm honestly more confused then anything else. But I'm certainly not angry or annoyed at you kiddo!" Patton said, tears starting to roll down his cheeks. 

"don't cry Dad! If anything I should be the one sobbing my eyes out right now" 

Patton gave a small laugh and smiled, "You called me dad!" he sniffed and hugged Virgil as tight as he could. "I love you Virgil, no matter what, you do know that right?" 

Now it was the others turn to smile "I do Pat... Dad"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a while.
> 
> Spot the two references.

After a while, the two had gotten a bit more comfortable and sat on Virgil's bed. The younger side was sitting on the edge of the bed, nervously biting his bottom lip until it started to bleed. The father figure was perched on the middle of the bed, cross-legged, he looked like he was going to burst into tears again, just after calming himself down. 

"So...... Are you going to ask me questions?" Virgil asked, agitated as he looked up at Patton's rosy face. He could track the tear stains that ran down the others cheeks. Even though he knew Patton cried easily, he only felt more crushed that he made his 'dad' cry. 

"Umm...okay.... I guess, I want to know..... Who do you identify as?" Patton looked up and met Anxiety's gaze. He rubbed his hands on his trousers as he realised that they were sweating from nervousness. 

There was a pause in the air until, "I... Im a male, trans male if you want to be precise. I was created as a girl........ I felt out of place with everyone else. Deceit took me in and...." Virgil stopped there, unable to say anymore. He noticed the fear that struck across Patton's face when he mentioned the dark side. It was like he had been slapped and his face was frozen in time. 

Morality snapped out of his trance-like state and gave a simpathetic look at Virgil. After a while, he started again. "So, how did that work exactly? Like you are a part of Thomas so you should have been a male all a long. I mean you are, you are a man, a manly man, a man who is manly. Not a girl, no, not that no..." Patton seemed to be lost in his mumbling. He felt like he had dug himself a hole and jumped right in. Suddenly, he felt a warm hand on his thigh. The dad jumped at the touch and glanced back at his son. "Sorry!" 

"Patton it's okay! I know how confusing it must be. To answer your question, I honestly don't know how Im different. It sounds like something Logan will know about." 

"Speaking of, when are you going to tell the others, if you are." 

Virgil placed his hand back in his pockets. "I.. I don't know. I know that they will find out eventually, they have to. Now that you know, I feel bad from keeping this from them." He looked up, awkwardly at the other side and quickly moved his gaze to one of his limited edition My Chemical Romance posters.

"Whatever you decide to do, I am right here with ya kiddo." Patton said as he wrapped his arms back around Anxiety's waist side-on, causing him to fall on his left, his arms being the only thing that held onto the scrawny boy. 

The two chuckled to eachother and smiled. They both enjoyed the others' company and it felt nice to have an open-hearted chat between them.

Without warning, Patton's phone started to play the campfire song song from SpongeBob, Roman had texted him. 

\--------------------------------

Sir-Sing-Alot:Paaaaattt im hungryyy 😩

Dad: hi hungry I'm dad!

Sir-Sing-Alot: 😑 when's the food ready??

Dad: oh sorry kiddo! I haven't started cooking, what do ya want?

Sir-Sing-Alot: PIZZA!!

Dad: sure thing kiddo! Extra everything??

Sir-Sing-Alot: EXTRA EVERYTHING!!

Dad: okay Roman, will do 😸😸

\-------------------------------

Patton looked up from his phone and giggled.

"who is it?" Virgil asked, slightly disappointed that the moment was ruined. 

"oh don't worry, its just Roman, he wants me to make pizza for dinner. Is that okay with you?"

"yeah sure, you know what I like"

With a grin and a kiss on the forehead, Patton trotted downstairs to make pizza for everyone.


	11. Lies and Dysphoria chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update I have been going through a giant creators block and had lots of school work.
> 
> Here's some Remus shenanigans for you.

After about an hour of cooking and preparing, Patton called all the Light Sides to dinner. He tried to ignore the fact that when Roman came downstairs, his usual shiny, perfect attire was covered in ink, his hair disheveled and a cat-sized Remus balancing on top of his head, laughing and summoning worms to fall out of his brother's ears. 

"Seriously Remus, knock it off!" Roman said, pulling a maggot from his nose and flicking it in the kitchen bin. He then proceeded to pick his brother off from his head and drop him on the floor. 

"Careful Roman, you nearly damaged my tush!" Remus declared, pouting and looking up a Roman.

"If that hurt then your ass is soft and weak!" 

"That's not what Dee said last night.." Remus smirked.

"Eww, gross..... just leave I want to eat my pizza without gagging" 

"Also not what he said" 

"That's disgusting, you involve PIZZA" 

"AND OTHER FOODS!"

"EWW I BET YOU HAVE MULTIPLE DISEASES THAT YOU HAVE SPREAD"

"YEAH! ITS FUN! WE..."

The pair were cut off from a quite annoyed Patton. 

"Cut it out boys! There will be no more fighting! Remus, go back to where you came from and Roman come and eat... No don't lick him!....... Cut it out!"   
For the first time in a while, Patton couldn't keep control of the two sides. After Thomas found out about Remus, both creativities had seen eachother too often and fought more frequently.

Thankfully, Logan had just come down the stairs.   
"Roman and Remus. You two can NOT keep your hands to yourselves can you?! Stop fighting and go do something else." 

"Yes mom, sorry mom" The brothers apologised, half mockingly, in unison. 

"It's physically impossible for me to be your...... Nevermind" Logan sighed, he was so done with the amount of times he had broken up the two during a fight. He rubbed his temples and sat down at the dinner table.

"Thank you Logie! I really needed your help with that one." 

"It's fine Pat. They were just being immature."

Morality turned his attention to the two dumb-looking grown men standing in the main room. Roman picking more worms and other bugs from his hair.  
"Roman come and eat. Remus, I would appreciate it if you left us and your brother alone."

"Ughh fiiinnneee! Byyyeeee" 

With that, Remus snapped his fingers and sank out of the room. Leaving an angry Roman as he looked at his pizza, now covered in green slime and whole carrots. 

Let's just say that didn't end well... 

\--------------------------------------  
*Virgil POV when Patton left:

Once Patton had gone, the feeling of darkness and loneliness started creeping back. He couldn't face Roman EVER again. Maybe he could convince Patton to pretend to be him and bring him food and water when he needed it, so to not raise suspicion. No, he couldn't, wouldn't do that to the other side. Virgil knew how much stuff the dad had to do already. It would seem unfair to cause him more stress. 

Virgil sighed, put on his headphones and collapsed into his soft bed, only to fall asleep to the sound of 'what's this?' from the nightmare before Christmas. 

\----------------------------------------  
*back to the present:

Patton had just managed to calm Roman down for the second time that hour with a promise of another Disney movie marathon, when he remembered.   
"oh shoot! I forgot about Virge! Be back soon kiddos!"   
The father figure smiled, blushed at Logan and quickly skipped upstairs. 

Morality knocked on the wooden door.   
"Virge...... There's pizza downstairs for you" 

No reply

"viiirrrggiilll" Patton sang as he opened his sons door. 

He couldn't help but melt at the sight before him. Virgil was curled up in a ball on his bed, clutching a pillow as if it was a person with drool hanging out his mouth. 

Trying to stifle back giggles, the father figure quickly summond a pen and paper and scribbled a note for Virgil when he got up. He placed it on the pillow Virge was hanging onto and tiptoed out of his room.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️Warning⚠️  
Misgendering  
Bullying  
Transphobia   
Swearing 
> 
> This chapter could trigger people be warned.   
Im sorry if this does trigger some people. 
> 
> Enjoy 😅

"You freak! Fucking pathetic loser. You and your freak show body are NOT worthy of thomas!" 

Roman had changed. His usual princely outfit was jet black, the usual golden embellishments were a sickly silver. His tan-brown hair was the colour of ink in the room's shadows, sitting on top of his head messy and out of place. He resembled more of his brother than himself. 

"Just admit it! Your a freak. I wonder what you would do if, I don't know, Deceit walked in?" Dark-Roman spat at Virgil like he had a disgusting taste in his mouth. 

"Rroman please.......... N.. not......... Him"

At the sound of Virgil's terrified voice over one of the sides, Roman gave a smirk that could only mean one thing.   
"Oh really? What would your sad little frame do if he, oh I don't know, walked in here?" 

"p.please Ro d.ddont!"

Virgil sank onto the floor as Romans grip on him haltered. 

"well then, I guess we have to call in a REAL man to see what he thinks about this." 

Before Virgil could reply, Roman summoned a pissed off looking Deceit into the dark room.   
The side prone to lying was wearing a dark purplish shirt with a snake printed on it, black jeans and ankle boots. His cape was unusually long, just scraping the floor as he walked, and of course his signature bowler hat resting atop his straight hair. He resembled more a shadow than anything else. 

Deceit has his back facing Virgil as he rose up into the black room. 

"what the fuck?" he asked as he realised where he was. Deceit turned around in confusion, his eyes locking with the dark version of Roman.   
"Greetingss Pride, itss good to ssee you again" 

"Likewise" replied 'Pride' with a devilish grin on his face. 

"What bringss me here to thiss......humble abode?" 

"oh nothing" the latter said, sarcastically, "just this FREAK cowering away in the corner" he said emphasising on 'freak'. 

Deceit, not realising anyone else was in there, whipped his head around and moved his inhuman eyes to the spot where Virgil was desperately trying to shrink into the darkness.   
The side began to creep closer to Anxiety, like a snake ready to pounce on its victim. 

"Well well well, hasn't somebody got themselves into a pickle?" Deceit hissed. "I wonder what revolting things you have done to awaken Pride. Or have you just shown your vile body to him like a whore?" Each word he said sent a cold shiver down Virgil's spine as each syllable that came from the dark sides mouth was spoken in a slick, powerful way. 

"nn. nno pleeease I... I haven't done anything!" Virgil couldn't bare to look into the unnatural eyes of the man whohe feared the most. 

"What'sss the matter Virgie? Why are you hiding in the shadowss?" Deceit's tone of voice had changed, it was now smooth, seductive and almost inviting. The snake was no longer hunting, it was luring.

"Dddecceit, p.. pleease don't c. call me that!" Virgil cried.

Ignoring Anxiety completely, Pride spoke up to the snake. "See my friend, the bitch hasn't changed one bit since the last time we saw her"

Virgil froze, he couldn't move. His tears stopped in their tracks and his hands began to shake, He physically couldn't handle this all over again. Without realising, his body was scrambling backwards until his back hit the invisible wall with an echoey thud. 

"Trying to run are you? That's not going to work my dear" Deceit drawled, his voice still sickly sweet.

He inched closer and closer to the shaking body of poor Anxiety, reaching out his gloved hand in the process.

As Deceit's hand inched further, his body had stopped in its tracks, meaning the snakes arm was stretching in-humanly towards the frightened Virgil (like that one scene in DHMIS).

Virgil closed his eyes, his last vision of Deceit coming closer and Pride smirking behind him. He blacked out, hearing deathly screams far off in the distance.

He opened his eyes: it was just a dream.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long but here's the next chapter!

Virgil woke with a terrifying start. It was just a dream, he kept telling himself under his breath, it was just a dream. It was crazy how he could remember every last detail, from the lines in Deceit's face as he smirked, to Pride. Who was he? He looked like Roman and Remus combined, but it couldn't have been, could it? 

Sitting up and wiping his clammy, sweaty hand on his duvet, Virgil scrambled around about in the dark to turn on his lamp to check the time. Wincing at the sudden brightness, he managed to turn on his phone without getting blinded. The clock read: 1am, somehow, he had slept for over 5 hours, that had to have been a personal record considering the little amount of time he had spent sleeping in the past few weeks.

Noticing that his mouth was considerably dry, Virgil took it upon himself to go downstairs and get a drink. As he stood up, he noticed two things: one, he is stupid body had made a mess of the black sheets that he had slept on, thankfully it was black, and secondly, he noticed that Pat had left him a note. It read:

нey vιrge!  
ι нope yoυ нad a nιce deep ѕleep тнaт yoυ needed. yoυ мιѕѕed dιnner ѕo тнere are ѕoмe leғтoverѕ ιn тнe ғrιdge ғor yoυ! looĸ aғтer yoυrѕelғ and нopeғυlly we can тalĸ мore laтer. 

loтѕ oғ love тo мy вoy! dad.

Virgil found it really sweet, and he pinned the little note to his corkboard that he had hung up a few years ago on the back of his door. Hastily, he took off his trousers, not bothering to put some more on as it was 1am and with much lack of enthusiasm, Virgil tore the bottom sheet off his bed and walked downstairs with both sheet and stained trousers, tip toeing to try not to make a sound. 

As he reached the kitchen, Virgil slipped into the little utility room that the sides had and shoved the stained materials into the empty washing machine and set it off. Still trying to recover from the freakishly realistic dream, Anxiety walked over to the cupboard above the sink and grabbed a glass to get a drink of cold, refreshing water. 

All of a sudden, Virgil heard a quick shuffling behind him. He whipped his head around just to see a flash of red and white, scurrying away into a shadowed corner behind the counter.

Rolling his eyes and setting the now full glass of water onto the counter, Virgil walked in the direction of the fleeing figure, which he knew was Roman. 

Turning the corner, Anxiety's face was smothered in confusion as he came face to face with a flustered Creativity, his cheeks red hot with embarisment.

"Uhhhhhhhhh heyyyyy Virge" The prince said, trying to sound as normal as possible.

"What are you doing hiding down here?" Virgil asked, quite boldly actually, considering the reason that be was down in the kitchen in the first place.

"It's like really late and you have been acting strange lately so i......... Wanted to give you some space?" Roman tried to sound as convincing as he could as he hid his face in his Disney PJ's. 

"N.nothing is wrong with me, I should ask the same to you!" His fight or flight reflexes strated kicking in as he drew back away from Roman. " Also why are you flustered, I've never seen you like that before" 

"Ummmm" Roman hummed as he pointed to Virgil's lack of 'leg clothes' as Patton called them.  
He continued to hide his glowing face moreso than before.

Not being sure what his counterpart was meaning, Anxiety looked down at his legs and blushed hard, running and hiding behind the counter, away from Roman's eyes.

Being at 'that time of the month' Virgil had to wear some more 'female' underwear as boxers where not made to host pads (also he refused to stick anything up there). So standing Infront of Roman, wearing only pants and a hoodie was extremely embarrassing especially after what had happened earlier that day. 

Scrambling to get his drink that he had left abandoned for the past minute, Virgil ran like a madman back to his room, spilling water as he went. 

Running and almost tripping into his bedroom, Virgil placed his half empty glass onto his bedside table and shut his door as quietly as he could. Trying to catch his breath, he sat on the edge of his bed and contemplated his life and existence, occasionally taking sips of his water cause hydration.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone!  
Sorry I haven't posted but here is a Christmas special for you guys still canon to the story. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Roman just sat there, on the cold, hard floor of the sides kitchen. What had he just seen? This just added to the slowly increasing list of weird things that has happened over the past month with Virgil. First, the weird act that he obviously puts on around curtain times but you can rest assure it's around every month or so. Now it's the blood and........that. 

Sighing and getting up onto his feet, Roman turned off the lights in the kitchen. He smiled at the large Christmas tree that swallowed up most of the living room. It's lights twinkled in the darkness and shadows of presents of all different shapes and sizes loomed under the tree. Tomorrow was one of Roman's favourite times of the year, Christmas day. 

\---------------------------------

The next morning, like always, Patton was up first, making breakfast for the sides. This morning, being Christmas day, Patton had made a delicious smelling tray of cinnamon swirls, drizzled with icing and extra shakes of cinnamon sugar on top, for good luck. 

Setting the timer on the oven for 10  
minutes, Patton ran upstairs to get everyone up and ready for the day. 

Being the first door up the hall, Roman was first.   
The father figure rapped on the door excitedly.   
"Wake up Roman, Christmas breakfast is in 10 minutes!" He called through the crack in the door. 

"Coming Padre!" Roman shouted towards the direction of his bedroom door. He had barely gotten any sleep last night over the Virgil incident (again) but he was not going to let that ruin a great as day as this. (If you can't tell, Roman really likes Christmas) 

Patton was walking towards the next door, Logan's, when he heard a faint 'Merry Christmas!' From the others room, making him chuckle. 

Knocking quietly on Logan's door, Patton told the other about breakfast. He never needed to wake up Logan as he started his 'schedual' everyday at 6am, he mostly worked. 

Patton heard a distant 'Thank you Patton' from Logic's room. He smiled to himself and skipped over to Virgil's room. 

Knocking slightly and opening the door ajar, Patton went into Virgil's bedroom.   
"Good morning Virgil, how was your long nap yesterday?" Patton giggled at the cute picture of Virgil curled up the day before. 

Virgil groaned and looked up at Patton through his misty eyes.   
"Hey Dad, is it morning already?" He asked, sitting up slightly. 

"Yes! It's Christmas day don't forget!" Patton jumped up and down excitedly.

"Oh yeah, the day that you spend seeing people you don't want to, pretending to like the stuff they give you and constantly shove food into your mouth". Replied Virgil in his usual tone.

"Now Virgie don't be mean. Come downstairs food will be ready soon." Patton said, kissing Virgil's forehead, earning him a groan.   
He was about to walk out the door when he said,  
"The bedsheet was done washing but it still had stains so I looked it up and it's in my bath in bicarb."   
"Thanks Pat, your the best".

With a wink and a nod, Patton walked downstairs again to finish breakfast, just in time for the timer to go off. 

\--------------------------------------

Once everyone had gotten into the kitchen and eaten the delicious breakfast, It was time for presents. Logan sat on the edge of the sofa, a mug of steaming coffee in his hands. Thomas sat next to him, looking incredibly happy. Roman sat on the floor with his back to the sofa, clutching one of the sofa cushions to his chest. Virgil took his usual position on the stairs, death-staring Deceit who stood in Patton's spot by the window, also holding coffee. Remus was crouching like a cat on the coffee table and looked like he wanted to jump onto the Christmas tree. Patton took charge and was stood Infront of everyone, ready to hand out presents.

"Okay everyone! Let's start with the presents. I will go first with my gifts and then we can go around the room. Okay?" 

With the response of a few 'yes's and grunts, Patton started to gather up and pass around the gifts he had got for everyone. And everyone else did the same.

Roman had gotten: a golden crown from Patton. A book on theatre from Logan. A Broadway playscript of Beetlejuice from Thomas. A poster from Remus which said 'mines bigger than yours' with a red glittery dick in the middle (much to Patton's dislike). He also got a rent t-shirt from Deceit and a little mini figure of Elsa from Virgil (mostly as a joke). 

Logan had received: a 'dad jokes for dummies' book from Patton. A new set of vocab cards from Roman. A Sherlock Holmes puzzle book from Virgil. A set of Dr Who posters from Thomas. A decorative glasses case from Deceit and another poster from Remus which said 'is there anything better than dick, yes a really good book'.

Thomas had gotten: A be more chill tote bag from Roman. A stuffed stitch plushie from Patton. A phone case from Virgil that said 'when in doubt, trust your anxiety'. A mug from Logan with a quote from Einstein. A few jars full of chocolate from Deceit that spelled out 'lies' and much to everyone's distaste, a dead goldfish in a condom from Remus. 

Remus had gotten: A book from Deceit called 'how not to be normal'. A framed picture of Roman with the words 'your favourite brother' from Roman. Another (bigger) book from Logan titled 'how to take your anger out without trying to kill us'. A stuffed octopus from Patton. A mug from Thomas which said 'the other sides are a bunch of idiots' which Remus crossed out and wrote c*nts instead and a t shirt with a middle finger from Virgil.

Patton had received: lots of Disney stuffed animals from Roman. A giant Winnie the Pooh shaped mug from Thomas. A nice colouring book from Deceit. Another different coloured cat sweater from Logan. A badge that said 'dad-best' from Virgil and an automatic money box with Donald trump on it from Remus. 

Deceit got: 'a guide to telling the truth' from Logan. A stuffed snake from Patton. A (probably stolen) Starbucks coffee mug from Remus but he had painted two yellow dicks on the front. A list of Deceit-themed musical and Disney show names from Roman. A book on WW2 from Thomas and a death stare from Virgil. 

Finally, Virgil got: a series of 'dark' anime posters from Roman. A LOT of different scented candles from Thomas. A book called 'how to relax' from Logan. A hand made card from Remus with the words 'sexy emo boi'. A returned death stare from Deceit and a death note hoodie which read 'normal people scare me' from Patton. 

After the dark sides had gone back to their side of the mind palace, Thomas had to leave and see his friends and family in the real world, Logan had perched with his puzzle book on the sofa and stared doing them. Roman was switching through the TV channels to see what Christmas movies were on. Patton came up to Virgil who was now sitting on the kitchen island with another present behind his back. Which obviously caught Roman's attention, but he stayed quiet, watching. 

"Hey kiddo, I got you another gift, but I thought it was more appropriate for you to have it quietly."  
Said Morality, handing over the neatly wrapped gift. 

It was a small box, roughly the size of A5 paper, wrapped in paper with little cats and dogs all over it, tied with a big red ribbon. 

"Oh thanks Pat!" Virgil said as he slowly opened the gift.   
It turned out to be a diva cup, blue with a little case to keep it clean and out the way.   
At the sight of his confused face, Patton tried to explain that he had gotten it for him because I might be easier than 'spilling' everywhere, especially in the night. 

Virgil thanked Patton with a pink blush on his cheeks as he took it out the packaging and put it in its little case and in his pocket, throwing the plastic in the trash. 

"Yo Virgil, what's that other gift you got there?, Looked fancy" said Roman, walking over to the purple one as Patton left. 

Blushing even harder, the latter replied "oh, it's nothing really" 

"Let's see! Im so bored. Were they like blue airpods or something" 

Virgil laughed "no no nothing like that I promise." Trying to avoid the worst outcome the best he could.

Roman grabbed two cookies of the counter and handed one to Virgil. "Well if it isn't important can I still see? We have nothing better to do" 

"No, why do you really want to know what Patton gave me? Go play with your gifts not force me to show you mine." Anxiety said as he walked off. 

"Fine grumpy pants!" Called Roman as he sat back down on the sofa. 

Virgil saluted Patton and walked upstairs to try out his new gift, maybe it would work after all.


End file.
